The Americans, they got their poltergeist, pennywise, creepy twin from The Shining and of course, Damien, that little shit from The Omen. So I thought, hmmm, what kind of ghosts do we have back in Malaysia? A quick Google later, I am presented with what some people might say “things you should not make public”

What the hell???? Who in their right mind invented these supposedly ghosts in the first place???? I mean, take a look at this!

click the picture to see the full list

Hantu Kopek - ghost in woman apparition said like to hide children within her big bosoms, especially during dusk. – What!? Why!? Don’t get me wrong. I like women with big bosoms but this is almost disturbing in an erotic kinda way.

Hantu Demon - an evil spirit or demon. There are many different types. – Now this guy is special. He is the only Malay ghost that I know with an English name. Very progressive and modern.

Hantu Raya - ghost that gives money on Hari Raya. It is also a ghost that robs during Hari Raya to endow its master with wealth. In other cases, Hantu Raya is associated with ghosts that haunt highways (as in Hantu Jalan Raya). – Wait, he robs AND gives money AND haunt highways? Kinda like Robin Hood, only weirder.

Jelangkung - closet ghost. – This one is pretty self explanatory, he’s gay. Should've been "closeted ghost"

Orang Minyak - "Oily Man". Rapist who believes in mystical properties of forced sex. – Ugh, pervert! And he also likes to sodomize men!

Hantu Jepun - World War II Japanese ghosts. They wear WWII army attire and carry samurai swords. Most are headless. – The Japanese got Sadako and Toshio, and they left us with this headless freak. Nice….

Hantu Khairi - usually sucks money and steals money from village people. – Now this is one scary ghost!

We need some new ghost y’all. This is sad beyond reasonable doubt. Can you imagine talking about Malaysian ghosts with someone and you have say things like “Oh yeah, we have ghost that like to put kids in her tits”

source: Wikipedia

KUALA LUMPUR (Reuters) - A Malaysian woman woke up to a real-life nightmare, discovering that the naked man who had slipped into her bed in the middle of the night was a thief, not her husband, a newspaper said on Tuesday.

The 36-year-old housewife was asleep when the thief, noticing that her husband was fast asleep on the couch, quietly stripped off and lay down beside her, the Star newspaper said, quoting a police report filed in the eastern state of Terengganu.

The dozing woman's suspicions were raised when she spoke to him and his voice sounded strange, the paper said.

"She then went to another room and found her husband fast asleep on the couch. That's when she screamed, causing the thief to flee by leaping out the window together with the stolen items," it added.

Why do we always have news with the the word "naked" in the headline? For once, at least, can't we have normal news like other countries. I mean, genius hooker, part-time model in space, exploding Mongolian, woman mistook naked thief for husband????

And the worst part is I saw this news on Reuters, for the love of God! This is beyond embarrassing. This is just sad!

source: Reuters

To quote Garfield, I hate Mondays....

I'm a big horror fan, and one of my favorite horror flicks of all time is Bram Stoker's Dracula by Francis Ford Coppola. It is the definitive horror film and if it is not in your list of best horror films ever, then you do not know true horror. Next to Luc Besson's The Fifth Element and Jean-Pierre Jeunet Amélie, Dracula is the film that I like to watch over and over again. And the vampire sex orgy scene is a big plus.

But what really stands out in this film is the original soundtrack, Love Song For A Vampire, written and performed by the awesomeness Annie Lennox. Just like the movie, the song is equally haunting and it'll give you goose bumps. Without a doubt, one of the best original songs written for a film.

She's touring! SHE'S TOURING!!!!

Unfortunately, current travel itinerary only covers North America and Europe. Additional dates and venues to be announced soon.

The problem with her is she only covers NA and Europe (and the occasional Japan, like her Confessions Tour). Woman, that is not world tour!

There had better be South East Asia and Australasia in her future dates. I mean, she's 50! God knows when she's going to die from yoga overdose and I want to see her live before she croaks!

Remember how I’m going to stay single and splurge myself silly?

I got the day off yesterday. When I woke up in the morning, all fuzzy and groggy, I decided to do myself a favor. I’m going to buy a really expensive gift for myself, to celebrate me being single and fabulous.

A quick shower and two bowls of Cocoa Puffs later, I hop on the bus and go to the city. I wanted to hit Gucci first, because they have really nice messengers and some mighty fine ready-to-wear pieces. When I got there, two huge fire trucks were right outside the store. What the fuck? Apparently something in the store caught on fire and they had to close the store for the rest of the day.

Next target, LV. But before I immerse myself in logos and monogram, I went to Borders to fill my head with some Baby Blues and Zits. Find myself a nice comfy chair and a cup of hot white chocolate (I’m off caffeine, again….) and laughing at Zoe’s and Hammie’s zany antics, that is when I saw a rack of Mother’s Day cards.

Damn, I totally forgot about it. Mother’s Day is one of the many non-holidays that I actually approve, and I don’t even remember it! And it got me thinking, I’ve never given my mother a nice present before, apart from a lifetime of heartache and a stretched vagina from pushing out a three and half kilos worth of lump out of her uterus 24 years ago.

So, I’m going to put one more thing to do in my single and fabulous mission, be a good son. I know she has been bugging me to get a girlfriend or a wife, but seeing how that would be a mission: impossible, I think I’m going to get her the expensive gift instead.

Being a good son, while not easy, is doable. But being a good son with an expensive and exquisite taste, that’s me (conceited much?). My mother (oh my God, I’m starting to sound like Tyra Banks) love handbags, a hobby she inadvertently passed to my sister. She used to have a lot of handbags, from vintage exotics that would make PETA cringe in agony, to a few from mainstream labels like Aigner and Dior. But she don't have anything from LV because she never really like the brand. Well, I'm going to change her mind with this.

I walk into LV looking for something perfect for her. Something classic and timeless, a piece that she can wear forever. My first instinct was to get her a Watercolor Speedy, but upon seeing the waiting list that starting to resemble Santa Claus’s good children/bad children list, and the fact that I can only get it next month, I flagged the idea and went with an Ebene Mini Lin Speedy instead. And I heatstamped it with her initials and also I got her a Marguerite Bandeau to accessorize her new handbag.

There comes a time in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, and who always will. Don't worry about people from your past, there's a reason they didn't make it to your future.

Happy Mother’s Day Ma :) I hope you like your new present. And Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there. May your life be filled with infinite love and splendor.

Omigod, omigod, omigod!!!

Omigod, omigod, omigod!!!

Should I faint? I think I should, shouldn't I?

From engadget.com:

Vodafone's just got a tiny, minor, insignificant announcement to make this morning: it's signed with Apple to sell the iPhone in ten markets, including Australia, the Czech Republic, Egypt, Greece, Italy (so much for Telecom Italia), India, Portugal, New Zealand, South Africa and Turkey. Expect the phone later this year -- that's all we know for now. Score one (or ten?) for Voda.

April Fool has come and gone so I think were safe. Just to make sure, I capture these screenshot from Vodafone official website:

Wawawewa! This is so exciting! One of them iPhones already got my name on it!

I just woke up from a fuzzy dream
You never would believe those things that I had seen
I looked in the mirror and I saw your face
You looked right through me, you were miles away

All my dreams they fade away
I'll never be the same
If you could see me the way you see yourself
I can't pretend to be someone else

You always love me more, miles away
I hear it in your voice, we're miles away
You're not afraid to tell me, miles away
I guess we're at our best when we're miles away

So far away

When no one's around then I have you here
I begin to see the picture, it becomes so clear
You always have the biggest heart,
When we're six thousand miles apart

Too much of no sound
Uncomfortable silence can be so loud
Those three words are never enough
When it's long distance love

You always love me more, miles away
I hear it in your voice, we're miles away
You're not afraid to tell me, miles away
I guess we’re at our best when we're miles away

So far away

I'm alright, don't be sorry, but it's true
When I'm gone you'll realize
That I'm the best thing that happened to you

You always love me more, miles away
I hear it in your voice, we're miles away
You're not afraid to tell me, miles away
I guess we're at our best when we're miles a-a-away...

You always love me more, miles away
I hear it in your voice, we're miles away
You're not afraid to tell me, miles away
I guess we're at our best when we're miles away

So far away

How sad is this? So they got a new house, but that still doesn’t explain why their kids and grandkids abandon them. Bloody ingrates! I hope they burn in hell! Life is unfair, I get it, but this is just tragic sadness. I’m not going start blaming the government now because that is getting really old but instead of focusing your energy at saving a delusional, albeit smart, non-Malaysian hooker, these people need to open their eyes. Yeah, we’re a developing country, 50 years of independence, bla bla bla, but having an old couple living in a toilet is not cool.